It is said that the perfect friendship comes once in a lifetime. The person who you confide in, trust, and experience your ups and downs together. Maybe this might have been ur perfect friendship, and it came to your life early... However its no longer there anymore. When will you understand that enough is enough and you need to let go? Its over. Talking about it continously wont bring it back to life; its going to bury it..deeper and deeper until it no longer exists.

The barriers you have created around you to protect yourself from hurting again came down.. so u could trust the next innocent person that came along your way; it didnt work out again so up go your barriers. They seem to come up automatically now xP Its your barriers that create your stubborness to accept what is going on around you, when are you going admit this or at least understand it?

All i can say is that iv tried.. tried to make it right between us. But your reactions just push me away and away and away. And you wonder why you havent got many friends. Its obvious isnt it?

In a friendship its about communication.. and good communication prevents misunderstandings. If you think of something then SAY it, dont leave it till its too late and just going to cause more conflict. Even though you are thinking this thought the other person doesnt know that.. unless they are a mind reader but there aren't many of those around :)

"To think outside the square" is a common expression meaning that you shouldnt think in the most typical way but instead imagine all the possibilities that could expand your thoughts. However your just thinking in a little brown cardboard box of yours, the place where your lack of common sense prehibits you from exploring deeper and further from your comfort zone.

Maybe in a year or two years time you might have grown out of this habit; but for now its here to stay. For good.

Im sick of talking about this topic- but its only healthy to let it out right? ;) I try to be calm when talking to you; for some reason you end up getting me annoyed it seems the only thing i can think of at the time is you. You got me pissed off; then u got me missing you but for what i dont know.. Maybe i just missed your company, our usual talks. But now im starting to feel nothing because i dont care anymore.

I dont care what you do behind that computer screen of yours. Im going to give up for good; and i know that i can and will unlike you. You can call me a bitch and hate me for life but at least i know that i have my supportive friends who will be there for me and i'll continue my life without being an overly emotional person.

There's so many things i wanna say.. so many things i want to DO.. but for now i'll just type away happily on the blog my identical twin and I created =]

As for now.. sayonara!

Yipee! i have my own secret messages too  = = "

<3 the blue.sky who has no extra clouds floating around x

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For most of the time during last summer I¡¯ve spent in the air, looking down to where I was born, on that chilly cold ground. The lithe water used to run beneath me, flowing joyfully with the fishes and the sea mammals. To be honest I didn¡¯t know where I came from, by the time I was awake, and I was simply lying there, watching the clouds rotating above me. I always dreamed to be up there, to be free, flying with other particles in the air.

When the men came they scared away the animals, I saw them digging into the bodies of my friends, down into where the animals lived. They also had machines, catching the animals that fell for their traps, they screamed and yelled, but their friends did not come to save them, because they knew the danger. The men made the branches and leafs glow with a bright red colour, I heard my dear friends say that they were going off to somewhere new, somewhere free without these men to disrupt their lives, but to me, it seemed like that they were suffering. I saw my friend¡¯s bodies transformed rounder and rounder, soon they became transparent, and not long after they were in the air, up high, until I couldn¡¯t see them anymore, they were blown away by the strong wind.

Three months later, spring arrived. I was moved closer to the edge of the land by nature, I knew this was inevitable. The men weren¡¯t yet all gone, but they¡¯ve done enough to the place where I lived, a lot of us has experienced those suffers they brought to us, and we always wonder why, why they did those harsh things to us. They never belonged here, never lived here, they were unrecognizable to us. However we don¡¯t have the power to fight back, but to wait until the minute when we disappear.

It was a sunny bright day, when they took out that machine, it was a silvery grey colour, and it generated a lot of noise when they pressed a red button on it. The silver piece of metal would run so fast, and sliced things open. I never thought such harsh things could happen to me, but that was how I was separated from rest of my sisters and brothers.

The water was so smooth; it held me up so that I didn¡¯t fell deeply into it. I traveled for weeks on the ocean; the waves led me towards where the brighter sunshine was shone on. It was then, when I experienced what my other friends meant. The sun was warm, and I began to deform, slowly I became transparent just like my other friends. I felt the joy, followed the waves and danced with the water. I loved the places where I traveled to, because it was such a different experience than when I was stuck together with others without a move, there were so much more out there than just watching the clouds rotate in the air. Until the day when that boy came to get me, I never left this place.

It was on a cold breezy early morning; I was flowing freely in the ocean, until that big red bucket caught me. There once again, I saw the glowing orange-red colour, but it wasn¡¯t with branches and leaves this time, the colours were twirling above a black metal box. The boy lifted the red bucket and sat me above the metal box, just a moment later, I felt myself heating up, the feeling wasn¡¯t nice, as if I was about to explode. Suddenly my weight became lighter, I felt my body start to float, the memory broke through, and this was what my friends experienced back in the day. As my body became lighter, I rose higher, I saw the sun waking up, it shone with a bright yellow, I couldn¡¯t forget that feeling, I never believed in magic, but it felt so magical.

Traveling with the wind, I saw the place where I was born once again, where I lived for years and years, I never thought I would get what I longed for, up high, with freedom, a place where I truly belonged, without the disruptions of men, only with nature.

I saw my old friend, we greeted, shared our experience through our journeys, and he told me that we were called as H2O by the men.

The red liquid was flowing on the floor with its distinct stickiness and smell of metal, death of victim number 4937 with blood type RH AB-, my favorite, yet the rarest. Blood-suckers, we called ourselves. Until the day our nature was discovered by the humans, we were unknown from most of the people out there.

It was a breezy cold night, the wind blew onto my face, slitting open my skin, it was when my life ended, and eternity began. He was one handsome man, tall, slightly built, pale with bright red eyes. Well dressed in the latest chanel look, everything about him drew my attention; I couldn¡¯t stop myself looking at him. Slowly a pair of dark wings expanded behind him with a slight glow. I thought, maybe it was time for the darkness to get me. But he kissed my neck gently, and started to break into my skin, blood slowly dripped into a pattern of a blooming bloody rose. He held me as if I were to be his fragile treasure, he whispered to me softly, of how long he has been waiting for me, and sighed with satisfaction at last.

I didn¡¯t know what to do, though lust tells me that I want him, more than anything I¡¯ve ever wanted in my whole life. I heard my heart pounding slower and slower, it won¡¯t be long until we are in the same world. As past memories run through my head, I realized that he was there to save me, true experience of fate. I had no family; I grew up with the poor on the street. That cold night, the world was covered in pure white snow, dancing and flying in the air with freedom; I was suffering in the cold, without food or warmth, and he came, to rescue me. Shock broke through the dark night with a sudden flash, my head began to spin, pure vampire blood started to run through my veins, bits and pieces of lost memories replaced like puzzles, and he was my brother.

As my hands grew cold, my throat was burning with thirst. He handed me a golden glass with pure red liquid, and it wasn¡¯t wine. The smell was so strong that I couldn¡¯t help myself than to swallow all there were without leaving a drop. I knew I didn¡¯t change, maybe my hair grew slightly longer, but not from the inside, because I knew I still loved him. But how, how could I, to love my very own blood related brother? For something that I would never believed. The blood in the glass did not fulfill my needs, only a moment later I was thirsty and wanting even more. He changed me, and brought me back into this world, it was time for me to take my first bite.

After becoming a vampire, I realized that there were more things on this world than what I have experienced. The sound of pounding of a heart from a human near by, whispers of a cat from miles away and the royalty of his blood. It was like instinct and nature to me, the new born, everything seemed to be natural, even my hollow black eyes. The respect and admire I had for him was automatic, because of the aristocracy of his blood, the similarity that ran through our bodies, but the temptation was also strong. I moved towards him step by step, I looked into his bright eyes, I could see my wild desires. He knew what I was doing, putting my head on his shoulder, smelling his taste. At the same time when he said it was the way it¡¯s supposed to be, I pushed my tusks into his fare skin.

The freshness of his blood was the most delicious than that of what I¡¯ve ever imagined. From his blood, I remembered how our mother and father were siblings like us; they lived for thousands of years, happily like no one else could enjoy more in the world. It was his blood, that brought me the strength to continue living like our parents, and we became one, as I have his blood in me, and he had mine.

From then on, for years and years, I learnt many things from him, how to use power, and to control power, to hunt without being suspected and noticed, we were inseparable like the right and left atrium. We shared the most valuable times of our lives; enjoyed our endless souls, so let the fairy tale go on.

He was mine, and only, for ever, our endless love¡­

thnx for reading guys, some feed back would be nice :D

~Dee.Jayy~

xx

now that is 18 days till hsc is over <3
not that it has started but i cant wait till party :D

as lan have mentioned all the stuff that happened for formal (*cough; was such a wonderful night <3 and lovable night, and and memorable night ) , graduation etc etc AND I MOVED! to a hole called narwee, situated right nxt to beverly hills, on the corner of M5 =D

some pictures of my new place when we were just moving :

it's still abit messey, here's the living room and the way out the door

then it's the main bed room and my room, it's blue and purple, not that visible on the photo

the toilet, laundry, and kitchen (dont mind my mum there cleaning and the random suit case ther :D)

and balcony

last but not least the outside view of the building ;D

its quite peacefull out here and im planning on doing my walls myself aka doddling x) after the HSC ofcourse people who wanna come can tell me and i'l be organising a day or two where everyone is free n up for it and we'll have some fun xD

that's all for today<3 stress LESS for HSC! cant wait till party time <3<3<3

~Dee.Jayy~
xx
i miss him =/quite abit s2

well so much has happened since my last post.. and i mean SO MUCH!!

firstly i have graduated from high school! all those years of schooling has come to and end..  i cant believe it yet, it still feels like im gonna go to skool 2mrw... but im not!! but i know that i will stay in contact with my close friends <3 and stay close for many years to come.. i love you =]

wednesday 30th sep:
 we had our formal, sarina and meike came over to my place beforehand.. while going off to MAC in bondi for their appointment while i did mine myself. we caught the taxi to the place and omg those escalators are a safety hazard get them fixed ppl =] it was ariite food was shit. deff not worth the $100 later we went to pancakes at the rocks.. most ppl left but sarina bennii loretta and i wandered around the rocks we went hope at around 2.30am-ish.. good times <3

thursday 1st oct:
apart from being sleep deprived and having little sleep i had to get my hepA and B vaccinations from the doctor. coz i hav aids.. JUST KIDDING lol just getting prepared for my trip overseas.. my doctor is in paddington so i looked around in shops bought a nice pair of jeans and a nice black short dress ;) then i walked all the way home where amanda meike and sarina were coming over ^^ we hung out at my place for abit before going to hav dinner at the italian Arthurs and eating pasta xP then went to max brenners to get even more fat! wooooot. then meike and manda left but sarina came bak to my place.. we were gonna go out and watch a movie but it was too late to see any. so she stayed at my place at left after 12!! good times again xP

friday 2nd oct:
today was my recovering day! sleep sleep sleep. 17 hours in fact. i was feeling pretty bad. sleep deprived. lack of appetite. headache.

saturday 3rd oct:
today was angel and seons dinner party, sarina ame over to my place and we attempted to cook pasta HOWEVER sarina brought over tomato concentrate!! it was a failure and we were too embarassed to bring that as our contribution so we just headed out. bussed it to easties to buy some food, then taxi to seons house. we got there bout 5.30 hung out there, played games watched tv ate etc. all the NORMAL ppl left about 10.. however me and sarina stayed.. and stayed and stayed till 4am in the morning.. it was pretty funny actually xP we toasted their engagement with wine (but it wasnt alcoholic) we had a failure getting a taxi.. bla bla bla and sarina and i were paranoid of getting raped.. bla bla bla so we got a plan and i am safe at hope and i havent been raped! YAY. i got home at 4.30am.. all my mum said was "your crazy, goodnight" so its 5am.. got work at 9.30 so im doing an allnighter ahahha. thanks for a great night <3

i love being freeeeee! lols

lots and lots of love <3 blue.sky xxxxxx

after i heard from my mom of what happened for the past few days, i find myself so hollow for some reason.

is it really my choice of this external impact i am receiving
which creates this hole of shallowness
it really isnt my fault if i were
actually to be apathetic

it is supposed to be that age of "glory"
the age of maturing
i've experienced the pain and hurt
but what about those
of happiness?

considered to be an "adult"
i should be able to make those decisions
changing the way the thoughts run through
having that ability to sense or to feel
what is considered to be "love"
and which nolonger exist
in my life.

i am no longer willing to give nor to receive,
though it does not mean i have no feelings
or maybe it can be interpreted as that feelings are buried down inside
not even it is sensable to myself.
and together with the creation of this
APATHETIC Jayy

really shouldnt be like this, if things hadnt turn out the way it has been.

~Dee.Jayy~

why tell a lie when both you and the person your telling it to know its not true?

whats the point in trying to cover it up when your just going to fail?

These past couple of days i have been feeling quite annoyed and pissed off. i didnt realise i was this sensitive but this person really has a negative effect on me. its like they have the exact characteristics that really tick me off. were like chalk and cheese now...

how can i trust you if you can effortlessly lie while staring at me in the eye...

<3 blue.sky x

Ever spent time doing something that you know is pointless, but you just keep doing it anyway? Only to get back nothing is return... Its so annoying when you have a piece of information, something that can solve so many things but you dont know what it means. You just cant figure it out. You try and try to uncover the truth, but all you end up with is a series of numbers, letters and symbols that dont make any sense...

But you shouldnt have to waste your time uncovering something for yourself; why should you when you thought that someone was supposed to tell you..

Maybe its time to let go, and let life take its own course. Save my curious eyes for something more important to look at. And use my time more wisely. Afterall - time is a very precious thing~

<3 blue.sky x

Does anyone still remember how to be grateful these days?

People can get so distracted now.. they think they really need to get something, they say it like they cant live without it. Well you hav been living without it, cause u didnt have it when you were born did you??

If people just put their material possessions aside, they could see how grateful their life is.

Grateful they have such great friends by their side.

Grateful they live with a roof above their head.

Grateful they dont have cancer.

Grateful they live in a safe environment.

Grateful we dont live in a third world country.

Grateful they arent starving to death.

So thats what iv come to realise recently. Maybe its your turn now.

<3 blue.sky x

Grateful